My Testimony: The Journey to Grace Beyond Shame

There are parts of my story I never thought I would ever speak about, moments covered in silence, buried in shame, and sealed by lies that told me, “You will never be ENOUGH.”

But here I am. Speaking. Healed. Loved. Free. Forgiven. Because of Jesus.

It started with a decision I did not get to make. At age 16, I found myself scared, confused and without a voice. As a minor, the decisions were made for me. I whisked away without true understanding, without a say, and without a safe place to process the trauma afterward.

The silence not only followed me, but it also consumed me. I carried a grief I could not name, a shame I could not shake and a deep belief that something in me had permanently broken. That moment became a hidden wound I learned to function around, but never really healed. Years later, heartbreak struck again.

I got married hoping for stability and love. But life unraveled when I discovered my spouse’s unfaithfulness. The betrayal reopened every buried lie from my past. How could he do this to our family?

You are not enough. You are not worth staying for. You are easy to leave behind. You do not deserve to be loved by anyone.

I was angry. Crushed. And instead of turning to God, I turned to my pain and my pain led me into rebellion. I ran and I ran hard.

I stepped into my flesh, chasing what felt like control. I used my sexuality to reclaim what had been taken from me, to punish the man who hurt me, and honestly to punish myself.

But it did not heal anything. It only built more layers of shame around a heart already broken.

Eventually, the weight of it all: abortion, betrayal, self- hatred, the pretending became too much.

And in my darkest moment, I believed the lie that my life was not worth living. I tried to take my own life.

That attempt did not just wound me, it shattered me. And what hurt the most was not the pain of surviving, it was waking up and seeing the face of my 7 year old son…the one I was suppose to protect. The one who saw me living in cycles of regret and self- destruction.

I saw the weight I was carrying and the weight I was unintentionally placing on him. God did not’ wait for me to clean up. He came to me in my mess.

I still remember the night I saw His eyes of mercy. I did not have the words, just tears. I did not’ have the answers just regret. But I knew I felt Him. Not angry. Not distant. But His presence.

He was not ashamed of me. He was reaching for me, regardless of the mess I was. I heard Him whisper to my shattered heart, “come home.”  That is when I felt the conviction of the mess I was, and the healing began.

Grace did not erase my past, it REDEEMED it!

One layer at a time, God began to peel off the shame I had worn like a second skin:

The shame of a voiceless girl who never got to grieve her loss.

The shame of betrayal by my husband.

The shame of betraying myself.

The shame of standing at the edge of life and wanting to let it all go.

The shame of parenting through pain and regret.

He showed me that shame was never my name and slowly, I began to believe Him.

Now I live free. And I speak not for attention but for healing.

My story is no longer a source of silence. It is a testimony of Gods mercy, His patience, and His power to restore.

I speak to the girls who had no choice.

I speak to the wives who have experienced betrayal.

I speak to the mothers who live with regret.

I speak to the women who have used pain to cope and sin to get revenge.

I speak to the ones who believed death was better than facing another day.

And I promise you:

Its not too late. You are not too far gone. You are not too broken. And YOU ARE STILL HIS.

 

I do not tell my story to glorify the pain. I tell it to glorify the Healer.

Shame had multiple faces in my life, but grace met every one of them.

And if He did it for me, He can do it for you too.